• Smokey Mirrors

New Year, Same Me

Updated: Apr 14, 2018

Yeah yeah I know! February isn't actually New Year territory any more but, as this is my first post of 2018, I'm going to pretend that it's okay to write as if it is.


It has in fact been over 60 days since I published my last post, which feels like an awfully long time and I'm also guessing that, if I was looking for this blog to make me any money or fame, a lack of published posts probably isn’t the way to go. I've had a few people ask me when I'm going to publish a new one (probably more that are thankful I haven't but they've kept that to themselves, for which I'm thankful) and it's got to the stage that I feel like I just gotta do it and post before I lose my confidence completely.


Also I have wondered once or twice if I might have written myself out of content - after all, exactly how much could there be to write about me?? However, if you've read any previous posts or follow me on Instagram, you may have gathered that I do a fair amount of self-reflection. To put it mildly. Anyway, the idea that I might not have something on my mind is pretty laughable and so, you lucky folks you, another post has made it out.


First up though I want you to introduce to someone that I’ve met this year. She’s pretty similar to me: she looks similar (except she wears work out clothes whilst actually working out), she sounds similar (except she talks a fair bit about pace and where’s good to go running) and amazingly she even has the same name.



OK you got me, it IS me!


And hey, I didn’t say she looked good working out! No, the actual difference is that it’s a me that I have always tried to deny exists. Wait, what?! No I don’t like working out or doing exercise for exercise sake, no no no that is definitely not me. I will dance, walk or just plain will my body to a reasonable level of fitness but run for the sake of it? Not because I’m being chased by a bear?? Na-ah baby, that ain’t me.


So it’s pretty funny really that when I started running in January I found that I actually liked it. Partly it’s the genuine sense of achievement I get when I finish a run. I’ve started slowly, using the NHS Couch 2 5K app (which is amazing by the way. If you want to get into running then go try it, it really works) and when Sarah Millican tells me “well done, you’ve made it” in that lovely Geordie lilt of hers, I honestly feel like throwing my hands up and finishing like a true Olympian who’s first over the finish line.


Partly though it’s just the absolute pleasure of being outside, listening to some great tunes (have you tried running to Orbital’s Chime?) and looking at this:




Uh-may-zing. Isn’t it? And this is in winter! I’ve run when it’s literally freezing, in the rain, sleet, snow and wind as well as when it looked like the above. And I’ve still loved it. Imagine how much fun it’s going to be when it’s warm and I’m in shorts?!


So then, why New Year Same Me? Well because I’m not actually trying to change me this year. For the first time, like ever, I am not trying to think of myself as someone who needs to get better...mentally, physically or just generally in life.


My end of year post in December was about me not wanting to put pressure on myself by coming up with resolutions for 2018. And maybe that came from a slightly dark place at the time but it’s translated into something prety damn positive. This year I’m sticking with me just as I am because that me is just fine the way she is. Am I sensitive and sentimental? Hell yes I am and seeing as that isn’t changing any time soon, I may as well embrace it and stick up any soppy post on Insta that I want. Am I irritable when I’m tired and/or hormonal? Er that would be another big fat yep so you know what? I’m either going to avoid people or just damn well be irritable and deal with the apologies afterwards. Am I generally a nice, friendly person? Actually yes I am and I have some lovely friends and family to prove it.


I am of course all this and more - some of it good, some great, and some not so much. It all combines to make a human. Just a human who’s no better or worse than any other and, just like every other human, deserves to live the best life they can. Or want to. Within the confines of the law and, you know, morality. Hey I like to make these things clear, what can I say.


Being human and obviously not a professional blogger, I’m undecided about the direction I’d like this blog to take in 2018, or even if it’s important to me to have one. Consequently I can’t give you any insights into what you may expect to get from me here, other than it’s likely to be me being quite probably embarrassingly honest, open and goofy. If you have any feedback, be it good or bad, or if there’s a subject you’d like to see me rambling on about, then let me have it. Click the Contact button and chat away cause I would love to hear from you.


As always, thanks for reading.


Jane x

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Smokey Mirrors

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So, this is it then...the kick off post where you find out what I've got to say and how I'm going to say it.

Unfortunately, I think I'm going to say it just like it is in my head. Which means there's going to be a lot of words, a lot of confusion, indecision, heartache and general angst...

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