• Smokey Mirrors

365 Good Things: Day 2

Its only day 2 of my new writing/well-being exercise and it’s already feeling like a proper challenge - trying to think of a good thing about a school/work Monday? Not easy.

I started off thinking I’d name this post ‘Scraping the barrel’ and focus on the fact I got the kids to school on time. Once upon a time, back in the days of me getting both kids up, washed, dressed, breakfasted, bags packed and out the door with shoes AND coats on, that would have felt like a huge achievement. Nowadays though they’re older, more autonomous and I can focus on, oh I don’t know, making myself look presentable for work (except I still don’t have time for that - what gives??).

I‘m going to think and write about good work stuff instead, with the main reason being I could really do with some confidence there.

In June I got myself a new professional job. I’d been between ‘proper’ jobs for a year up until then, having been out trying new ways of making money and ‘finding myself’ after redundancy from a 17 year career at a big corporation.

Since starting this new job, I’ve found myself struggling with ‘imposter syndrome‘. Not a new thing for me - I’ve always worked hard at my jobs, I’ve usually left a job through promotion, I’ve received accolades and recognition for jobs well done but often I feel like I’m just winging it and can suffer acute anxiety about being found out.

This is me, all togged up, hoping no one will call me out for faking it

No difference now either it would seem. I’ve been promoted within my first 3 months (which I’ve put down to timing more than anything) and am often losing sleep over thinking of all the things I’m not doing, or not doing well and dreading meetings where I’m sure I’ll be exposed as a big fat fraud.

There‘s an element of truth in it, which I suppose is where the anxiety stems from: I’ve got a lot on my plate and not enough time to get it all done. Some things have fallen by the wayside and that’s just the way it has to be. The difficulty is training my brain to accept that I can’t do all things perfectly all the time.

What I can do though is train myself to look at what I HAVE done and celeb that. In other words, I need to be much better at looking at the full half of the glass than the empty.

So today’s good things are the 3 meetings I had, the 2 projects I moved along, the multiple questions I answered for my team, the problem I fixed for a colleague and the laughs I had with my desk neighbours.

Today was a good day.

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Smokey Mirrors

Trying out the truth >


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So, this is it then...the kick off post where you find out what I've got to say and how I'm going to say it.

Unfortunately, I think I'm going to say it just like it is in my head. Which means there's going to be a lot of words, a lot of confusion, indecision, heartache and general angst...

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